Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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