i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
