My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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