i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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