we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my phone needs a breathalizer
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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