needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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