Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
