And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
