i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
