the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
