I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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