Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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