I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
