47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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