Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
