That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
