If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
