i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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