I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
