This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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