Got a toothbrush?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
