omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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