Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
