yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
