she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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