i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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