Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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