You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
