this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
