I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
