now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
