Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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