Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
