that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
