they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
