I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
