Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
