You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
