def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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