'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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