It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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