She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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