i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
