i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
then he tried to convert me to islam
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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