ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
