One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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