He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
