Sry I called you an 8
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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