If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
