i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
