why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize