fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
