Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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