I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
