I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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