I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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