im having a threesome with these popsicles
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
