i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
