after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
