No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
