At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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