i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
